โ€˜That Means The Constitution Is Gayโ€™: A Confused Colbert Laments Supreme Court Ruling On DOMA

Alas, Stephen Colbert wasnโ€™t in good shape on Wednesday night. Following news of the Supreme Court ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act, Colbert questioned what would become of our โ€œonce-great nationโ€ โ€” and what the decision implies about our sacred constitution.

โ€œTraditional marriage is now as defenseless as a freshman frat pledge about to go through the spanking machine,โ€ Colbert lamented, offering a warning to straight, married people about what to do if a gay comes after their marriage.

But Colbert simply couldnโ€™t get past the Supreme Courtโ€™s decision on DOMA, which was created for โ€œthe sacred purpose of getting Bill Clinton re-elected.โ€ And he sure wasnโ€™t buying the Fifth Amendment argument โ€” namely because there are no amendments after the Second.

โ€œIf DOMA is unconstitutional, that means the constitution is gay,โ€ Colbert further informed, recalling that it was written by โ€œa bunch of dudes in wigs and tightsโ€ in the city of brotherly love.

But really, Colbert was just confused. As confused as โ€œa freshman frat pledge who really enjoyed that spanking machine.โ€

Take a look, via Comedy Central:

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