‘That Means The Constitution Is Gay’: A Confused Colbert Laments Supreme Court Ruling On DOMA

Alas, Stephen Colbert wasn’t in good shape on Wednesday night. Following news of the Supreme Court ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act, Colbert questioned what would become of our “once-great nation” — and what the decision implies about our sacred constitution.

“Traditional marriage is now as defenseless as a freshman frat pledge about to go through the spanking machine,” Colbert lamented, offering a warning to straight, married people about what to do if a gay comes after their marriage.

But Colbert simply couldn’t get past the Supreme Court’s decision on DOMA, which was created for “the sacred purpose of getting Bill Clinton re-elected.” And he sure wasn’t buying the Fifth Amendment argument — namely because there are no amendments after the Second.

“If DOMA is unconstitutional, that means the constitution is gay,” Colbert further informed, recalling that it was written by “a bunch of dudes in wigs and tights” in the city of brotherly love.

But really, Colbert was just confused. As confused as “a freshman frat pledge who really enjoyed that spanking machine.”

Take a look, via Comedy Central: