Jon Stewart Answers: Fuck, marry or kill Colbert, Oliver or Wilmore [VIDEO]

Stewart answered some questions submitted online — with correspondents Jordan Klepper and Hasan Minhaj there to “coax” him into answering truthfully.

“If I wanted jokes, I would’ve asked someone funnier,” Minhaj snarked after Stewart tried to avoid a question on what he scribbles on his scripts during the show. In response, Klepper subjected the audience to clips from Stewart’s film career, sending the host into a panic.

“Turn it off! Turn it off!” Stewart yelled over a clip of himself kissing Gillian Anderson in Playing By Heart. “I’m a terrible actor. I can’t watch any more.”

“Is that your attempt to look desperate and sad?” Klepper asked sarcastically, while Minhaj teased, “You are terrible.”

“The blue papers are a script,” Stewart finally admitted. “I’m just scribbling on them. I get bored. I can’t smoke anymore, so I scribble, or I doodle the same cartoons over and over.”

As they escalated their threats with bad Bruce Springsteen impersonations and an “Arby’s enema,” Klepper and Minhaj built up to a question Stewart really tried to duck: he had to choose who he would “F*ck, Marry, Kill” between ex-colleagues Stephen Colbert, John Oliver, and Larry Wilmore.