Stephen Colbert told the audience “We all have jobs to do,” “I’m doing my job right now and I’ve got these cameras here to prove it. After the attacks in Orlando, I thought, maybe the government might do their job and pass any kind of law. Even a fig leaf to justify their existence.”
“They couldn’t even agree to keep people on the terror watch list from buying high-powered assault rifles,” Colbert blasted. “I don’t understand you, Senate. Ninety-two percent of Americans want you to expand background checks for gun buyers and you just ignore them! Since when does 8 percent of the population get to have total control over an issue? That’s like taking your entire family on a cross-country car trip and letting grandma choose all the music!”
“Hey, Senate, my dog accomplished more than you this week when it rolled over and licked its nuts,” Colbert said, with a beat-track playing behind him.
“Hey, Senate, I’ve seen bugs trapped in amber move faster than you!” he continued. “You guys think the terrorist watch list is when you put ‘Homeland’ on your Netflix que. You might as well ask the gun lobby to check for a hernia as long as they’ve got your balls in their hands. Senate, you couldn’t pass a bill if it was coated in Ex-Lax. But if you ever did pass a bill it would say, ‘Be it resolved, no kissing and the NRA should just leave the money on the dresser.”