Jon Stewart stopped by Stephen Colbert’s show to send a message to the president. Colbert started by mocking Trump’s tweet attack on late night comedians, asking if he should get “equal time” instead of the constant “anti-Trump” humor. While his initial reaction was “no,” the host was feeling charitable and decided to give him “equal time” anyway “just to make [him] feel better.” and then Jon Stewart walks in and Colbert explained, in order to appease the president, he would deliver his “usual unfair slamming of the president” and Stewart would “provide the counterweight.”
Colbert joked about Trump’s desire for “equal time,” all Stewart could come up with was, “Donald Trump is not a cannibal.”
“Last week, we learned that Donald Trump’s own secretary of state called him a ‘fucking moron,’” Colbert said. “Not only is that an insult, he gave away Trump’s Secret Service code name.”
In response, Stewart said, “Given the choice between having hot lava poured into my pee hole and Donald Trump being the president, I choose the latter.”
“On Friday, Trump made it easier for employers to deny women birth control,” Colbert added next. “Pretty soon, the only contraceptive women will have left is his face.”
“Donald Trump is great to women,” Stewart replied. Or maybe “good.” Then, “Better than Harvey Weinstein.”
“What the fuck is wrong with this guy?” Stewart asked. “‘You’ll find out?’ A cliffhanger, surrounded by military people? Will Trump give humanity the rose? Will civilization make it to the fantasy suite?! And ‘calm before the storm?’ Is that what he was saying? How is all this not the storm? This is all the storm! And what kind of sociopath would use that terminology while people are still cleaning up from literal storms?”